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I hope the primary takeaway of these teachings is that: [tweetable]people should focus on becoming someone instead of finding someone.[/tweetable] RNS: You say that “you are sexually compatible with far more people than you’re relationally compatible with.” What are you getting at?

AS: When it comes to romance, people put a premium on the romantic part as if that is the litmus.

I challenge guys face to face and have told our whole congregation this, and they are aghast. Men don’t want women to bring secrets into the relationship, why shouldn’t we be open as well.

RNS: You say that “love is unnatural.” A lot of people would say love is inherent to who we are as humans and one of the most natural things we can feel or express or do. AS: Love is natural in terms of a feeling, but not in terms of doing.

But I asked them if they wished I would have addressed them specifically since all of my illustrations and teaching assumed heterosexual relationships.

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This, and the fact that I was desperate to escape the Grey from every possible angle (though I’m grateful for their messages), prompted me to download a copy of Pastor Andy Stanley’s new book on romantic relationships to my Kindle. Geared towards the young, unwed, and culturally savvy, Stanley explains in the introduction that his purpose for writing mean? Still I pressed onward with hopes of encountering helpful gems of wisdom and Christian counsel over the next 200 pages.

RNS: Is it true that when you taught this content to your church, you talked about “bitches” and “hos” on Mother’s Day. I received one complaint via email from a guy visiting who felt like I was picking on a particular “culture.” I emailed him back and told him a culture comfortable referring to women as bitches and hos is a culture that views women as a commodity. AS: Twenty years ago, most of us considered pornography a pastime, not a pathway.

A culture that views people as a commodity is a culture sliding towards softening their position on slavery. There was not that much information about the addictive nature of porn. For the guy who says, “This is just entertainment, and there isn’t anything morally wrong with that,” then I say, “You apparently think that a real body isn’t enough for you.

While the broader culture continues to fight over what “sexual morality” means, one thing is certain: Andy Stanley is determined not to sit this one out.

RNS: If these are the new rules for love, sex, and dating, what are some of the old rules that you don’t think work anymore?