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I was grateful that John welcomed the daughter he had dreaded—grateful, too, that he and Blaine had come to cherish each other.Blaine’s 86-year-old father, whose values I had thought this might challenge, accepted me as a son; my father was overjoyed by his granddaughter.I spent years drifting between relationships with men and with women; I was mildly bisexual in a fluid era, but if children hadn’t been part of the equation, I wouldn’t have bothered with the other half.Even though I was in love with some of the women I dated, I felt mildly fraudulent in those intimacies.

I did not know how hard it is to reinvent family, and he could not envision how fulfilling this particular reinvention might be.

A few years before I met John, during a trip to Texas, I attended a dinner that included my college friend Blaine.

I had adored her for more than 20 years, but then, everyone adores Blaine; she is serenely beautiful and poised, and I had never felt indispensable to her as I do with more difficult friends.

Keep up with this story and more When Blaine came to my 40th--birthday party in New York three years later, in 2003, we realized that we both wanted to have that child together.

I wasn’t ready to tell John, who was still living in Minneapolis. He had been a sperm donor, he argued; I would have a child who would bear my last name.